


His Smile

by Epi_girl



Series: The things you left unsaid (why didn't you tell me?) [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, My First Work in This Fandom, Please Don't Hate Me, References to Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 12:36:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11081727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epi_girl/pseuds/Epi_girl
Summary: Aaron Burr has always thought himself to be fairly observant.But now? He doesn't know how he missed this.(Please, please, PLEASE don't read this if the topics are triggering. Mind the tags!)





	His Smile

There was nothing in the world that was quite as beautiful as Lafayette's smile, Aaron thought. 

Sometimes it was quiet, and subtle and perfect. And other times it was bright and exuberant and that was perfect too.

Lafayette used to smile a lot. 

-*-*-*-

He'd smile whenever Aaron did, face lighting up whenever the younger man expressed his feelings. He knew how hard that could be for the smaller man.

He'd smile at the sight of a small animal. Kitten, puppy, rabbit, hamster, parakeet, anything. Show him a baby animal, and the tall man would practically melt, eyes bright at the sight of the tiny creature. Lafayette adored animals.

He'd smile whenever Aaron sang. Early into the relationship, he'd learned that his boyfriend was a phenomenal singer. He'd also learned that Aaron was incredibly shy, and never drew attention to his voice, which was lilting and velvety and could hit every note possible, it seemed. So it made him incredibly happy when Aaron would allow himself to sing in the presence of someone else. It made Lafayette feel that he was a trusted figure in the smaller man's life.

He smiled when they kissed. Every single time. No matter how bad his day had been, or if he was crying moments before, or if he was still crying, Lafayette would smile. He couldn't help himself. Kissing Aaron always made him feel so happy. Like he was wanted, needed, cared for by someone.

-*-*-*-

Lafayette was a joyful person. He liked to smile, and laugh, and he wanted other people to smile and laugh too. He hated it when anyone he cared about felt bad. Sick, angry, sad, anxious, any kind of negative emotion. The boisterous Frenchman hated seeing anyone feel that way. So he tried his damn hardest to help anyone and everyone that he could. 

When Alexander went through a tough breakup with Eliza Schuyler, he was there, holding the frazzled man as he cried himself to sleep, worn out from multiple sleepless nights and the added stress of his college courses and his recently ended relationship.

Whenever John needed someone to remind him that there were people who loved him, and that his father didn't matter, Lafayette was there, usually along with Alexander. He'd pour his heart out, telling the freckled man everything he loved about him, words flipping between English and French in an almost incomprehensible mess of syllables. But John understood the basic idea of it, and he'd nod and bury his head in the taller man's chest, mumbling 'thank you's' into the soft fabric of his t-shirt.

If Hercules was doubting his ability as a tailor, and questioning whether or not he'd be able to make it in the fashion world, Lafayette was there, flipping through pages and pages of the older man's designs, pointing out everything he liked about each one, offering to model some of his experimental pieces, smiling the whole time. In fact, Lafayette was the one thing that pushed Hercules through a rough patch where he was considering giving up, abandoning his passion, and working somewhere that he considered to be 'financially stable'. The Frenchman had stood by his side and helped him open an online store, providing a steady source of income for the tailor.

And if Aaron was ever dealing with his anxiety, Lafayette refused to let him go through it alone. He'd sit by his boyfriend, massaging the tension from his body and whispering sweet nothings in his ear, until Aaron was calm again. They'd sit like that for a while, side by side, silent. And then Aaron would look up, and Lafayette would smile, and everything would be okay. At least, for a little while. Because things were never truly okay for the two of them. But that's was alright, because things worked. They loved each other and they made it work. And it was imperfectly perfect.

They were fine.

Until they weren't.

-*-*-*-

Aaron doesn't know when it started, but he knows when he noticed it. Because suddenly, Lafayette was smiling less.

Aaron would do whatever it took to get his partner to smile again. He'd take him to all the places he loved, or rather, it seemed, used to love. He'd take him to see the animals at the pet store, and Lafayette cracks a smile, though Aaron can't help but feel that he used to smile so much brighter when he was here. He'd sing for his boyfriend, watching him and hoping that he could manage to make the Frenchman smile, at least a little bit. Because he misses it, misses how ridiculously happy Lafayette could be, misses the seemingly endless positivity, the bright-eyed grin that he'd falling in love with.

The only times he ever sees that expression, truly, is when they get married. Lafayette is positively radiant when they say their vows, eyes locked on each other's as though if they so much as glanced away, it would all fall apart and none of this would be real. They kiss, and for a moment that's gone far too soon, Aaron feels the same way he did early on, when Lafayette used to smile so much, and he feels like Lafayette is that cheery person he remembers, if only for a fleeting second.

-*-*-*-

It hurt when Lafayette smiled less.

It breaks Aaron when he stops smiling all together. 

Well, he doesn't stop smiling exactly. He smiles plenty. But it's never truthful, never real. It's always forced, and Aaron knows what a forced smile looks like, because he's been the one who's forcing the smile so many times. Lafayette has the look of a man in pain, suffering alone because he's afraid to ask for help. And Aaron hates it.

But he says nothing. Maybe because he wants to believe that Lafayette is okay, because that's what he says, he says he's okay. And Aaron's always trusted him, almost too much. 

-*-*-*-

But when he comes home to Lafayette's body, lying cold and limp in their room, a lengthy note written in a shaky, foreign version of the Frenchman's flowing script, he wishes that he'd said something. God, he wishes he'd talked to his husband, tried to help him. Because now he's lying dead on the floor, eyes open but unseeing, an empty bottle of sleeping pills clutched in his hand. And Aaron breaks, cries until he passes out beside his dead husband, salty tears soaking into the carpet. 

-*-*-*-

There's a proper funeral a few weeks later, and Aaron is an utter wreck. 

Though his clothes are neat as ever, and his hair is well groomed, the bags under his eyes have never been darker, and it's obvious that he's been crying. His face is gaunt, and his entire body is shaking as he walks to his seat. He sits beside Alex, John and Hercules, silent despite their attempts to talk to him.

He gives a speech. He was the dead man's husband. It's obligatory. While Aaron speaks, he's the picture of calm.

He's completely inconsolable afterwards.

-*-*-*-

Eventually, Lafayette is buried, and the tombstone over his grave displays his full name. He almost finds it funny that someone managed to fit the entire thing onto a small slab of stone. Almost. But he cries, because he sees it and that makes it all the more real. Lafayette is dead. He's gone. He's not coming back and Aaron won't get a second chance. He'll never see his husbands smile again. As awful as it sounds, he'd rather see the love of his life in pain than have to deal with the reality that he's facing now.

He comes back year after year, and watches as the writing fades, and moss creeps up over the stone. He brings flowers every time. Lafayette always did love flowers.

As he lies in the hospital bed, alone, heartbeat slowing and eyes fluttering shut, he smiles weakly. He knows he's dying. And that's okay.

He'll get to see Lafayette again.

He'll get to see Lafayette's smile again.

-*-*-*-

The heart monitor flatlines.

**Author's Note:**

> And there we go. My first work on AO3.
> 
> I'm sorry about this.
> 
> I wrote a few more stories in this universe type thingy.
> 
> I'll post them soon.


End file.
